Official Newspaper of Eddy County since 1883
Official Newspaper of Eddy County since 1883
Sorted by date Results 26 - 37 of 37
Now that we are well into the month of December, my three teenage daughters have provided me with their extensive Christmas lists – both electronic and hard copies – in triplicate. Full of the typical objects of adolescent desires like designer clothing, electronics, jewelry, and luxury vehicles, their lists read like the inventory of Elon Musk's next yard sale. My list, on the other hand, is simple. All I want for Christmas is for life to return to the way it was in the good old days of 201...
I usually avoid discussing politics in my columns, mainly because I would rather not be disowned by family members, unfriended by friends, or doused with milkshakes and other beverages by complete strangers at the local Whataburger. This time, though, I just can’t help getting out my big ol’ stir-up-sumpin’ stick. I’ll begin by announcing that I recently cast (as in chucked, lobbed or hurled) my vote for President of the United States of ‘Merica. I decided to vote early so I could avoid the airborne particles of other humans on Election...
Ever since our local mayor issued a COVID-19 shelter-in-place-and-go-completely-cocoa bananas order, my family and I have found ourselves cooking more than we have for our entire lives. We’ve even been following recipes and using the actual stove/oven thingy, much to the relief of our exhaustipated microwave. And considering the Mad Max-wasteland conditions in the “cooking-stuff-from-scratch” aisle at Walmart, we aren’t the only ones. It all started on the first night of quarantine when we all got tired of sitting around and staring at our iPh...
As we adjust our daily schedules to the reality of the COVID-19 pandemic, many families are suffering from acute boredom. Students are suspending their homeschool teachers without pay for excessive grouchiness, children are traumatizing their pets by repeatedly dressing them in Superman and ballerina outfits, and adults are resorting to binge-watching Tiger King on Netflix – again. One necessary diversion from this “new normal” is a trip to the supermarket, which has transformed from a mundane activity into a full-contact version of Guy’s Groc...
On a recent frigid day in February as I was entering Target to defrost my nose hairs and purchase a designer toilet brush, I noticed that they already had an array of skimpy women’s swimsuits on display, which dredged up some disturbing memories for me. If you’ve ever wondered how awkward it might be taking adolescent daughters shopping for swimwear, imagine that you’re taking adolescent daughters shopping for swimwear. That should do it. For fathers of girl children all over the world, except maybe in Saudi Arabia, bathing suit shopping is a...
Following all of the frantic seasonal preparations, including at least 15 trips to Walmart for more almond bark, the abrupt conclusion of the festivities can come as quite a shock— and not just to the digestive system. I often suffer acutely from this type of post-holiday funk myself. To me, the days and weeks following Christmas can be a real Old Yeller death scene. With nothing to look forward to other than filing articles of impeachment against my triglycerides, a personal reboot is always in order. By following a few simple steps, I’ve lea...
Yes, I am one of “those” people. About 30 minutes after Labor Day has officially ended, I feel a strange compulsion to binge on my mother’s iced sugar cookies shaped like snowmen while listening to Nat King Cole croon about chestnuts. I usually resist breaking out my collection of “international” Santa figurines – including Las Vegas Santa indulging his gambling addiction on the slots – until after Halloween. But once I’ve polished off my kids’ trick-or-treat candy, I go into full-out Christmas-prep beast mode. I realize that my premature Yule...
Now that America is deep into the bowels of college football season, I’m experiencing my yearly gastrointestinal angst about my Texas A&M Aggies. I call them “my” Texas A&M Aggies because I spent an untold amount of my parents’ cash in College Station on textbooks, apartment rent, and DoubleDave’s Pepperoni Rolls in my pursuit of a Bachelor of Arts in English from Texas A&M University. But despite my claims of ownership, many loyal Aggie football fans would probably label me a two-percenter. And I can’t really blame them. You see, I haven’t b...
When I was dating my wife (and still pretending to be charming), I once suggested we grab an old blanket, purchase a generous supply of processed lunch meat and go on a picnic. In my romantic desperation, I had apparently forgotten that we live in East Texas, where being outside anytime between the months of April and December is likely to involve projectile sweating and a raging case of chiggers. Based on this experience, you can imagine my skepticism when we were invited to an outdoor "Family Fun Night" at my daughters' school on a recent...
When the school year draws to a close, parents begin looking forward to the slower pace of summer - with a less regimented schedule, relaxing family vacations, and a long list of menial household chores to inflict upon the children anytime they mention being bored. But in the weeks before school ends and these leisurely activities commence, parents must survive an onslaught of recitals, awards programs, concerts, banquets and other occasions that require me to take a shower and put on long pants. This year, since my wife and I were already...
Life with daughters is full of important questions. What's the best way to provide for their education? How can we ensure that they grow up with a solid moral compass? How can we keep them from dating until my first hip replacement? While finding the answers to these inquiries is vital to the successful rearing of girl children, the most frequent, urgent and fraught question of all in my household revolves around where we are going out to eat next. Some people might consider this a rather trivial decision that can simply be made by the...
My last column's referenced a report of a Dutch airliner that was diverted due to a passenger's flagrant flatulence at 30,000 feet. This column received such a resounding response (at least from my big brother) that I've decided to devote this entire piece to other newsworthy incidents of a gastrointestinal character. While some readers may find this topic unsuitable for publication, I think it's time to clear the air (literally), and recognize the power of a good rip and its potential impact on society. I've always been convinced that God has...
