Official Newspaper of Eddy County since 1883
Official Newspaper of Eddy County since 1883
Sorted by date Results 101 - 125 of 125
It was a great day of celebration in the shire when Senior Jester Muckle started the apprentice training of Junior Jester Macduf, chosen by the King to be the head jester of the realm. From their vantage point in Witherdumb Castle, they could see the colored flags flapping in the wind, the crowds slopping through the gutter garbage and the grand parade now coming up Castle Street. “This is the most fabulous day of my life,” Macduf adjudged as he bounced from one side of the crenellation to the...
It was an unhappy group of campers that gathered in the community hall for the spring conference of the Homeland Security Committee. The sun was shining but they were not. Chairperson Ork Dorken didn’t even get a second bang of his Coke bottle before Orville Jordan, the retired Soo Line depot agent, started to vent whatever organ needed venting. Usually, it was the spleen but today it was all the major parts, right out on the table. This was no time to mince words. “When are we going to get the...
By invitation of David Reiten, heir of the greatest show most Norwegians will ever see, the Norsk Høstfest is luring all of the rabble in Scandinavia to spread fear among the natives by coming to the USA for “pure scandimonium” September 26-29. Of course, the Høstfest attracts thousands of local Scandinavians and a sizable number of the unwashed. But that’s okay. We aren’t bigots except for people we don’t know. September 26 gives us four months to wall in vulnerable cities, e.g. Monango, Uk...
“Well, the mayor has appointed us as the Commission to Attract a New Doctor,” Harry “Butch” Wayssen announced to the group gathered in the city library to deliberate. The fifth member, Marilyn Dosset, was late, waiting for her oatmeal-coconut cookies to finish baking. “My new friend, Dr. Erick, who has 50 years of experience as a small city doctor, tells me that that we have failed to recruit doctors because we have neglected the wives and if the wives don’t want to live in a small town there...
In a study of state governments, the Center for Public Integrity, a nonpartisan organization of investigative journalists, gave North Dakota a big fat “F” for its failure to protect the integrity of its governmental processes. The Center looked at lobbyists, conflicts of interest, transparency and ethics in government. North Dakota governments were found to be vulnerable on all points. Various proposals to plug the gaps have died a quick death in the last four sessions of the state leg...
Do we have nicotine? Yes, as much as we can smoke. Do we have opioids? Yes, enough to run us broke. Do we have alcohol? Yes, an unlimited supply. Do we have beer? Yes, we will never go dry. As though North Dakota needs a fresh supply of addicts, a committee of petitioners has placed on the November ballot a proposal to legalize marijuana for “recreational” purposes. It will be another addiction opportunity for those who missed the others. Before discussing the proposal, let’s make a clear disti...
“He said to his friend, ‘If the British march By land or sea from the town tonight, Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry-arch Of the North-Church-tower, as a signal light’.” Well, I’m no Paul Revere and my horse is lame But I’m hanging a lantern all the same This time the Russians are coming, make no mistake about it. Yes, to North Dakota. They will arrive as soon as the U.S. Senate campaign involving Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer is launched. The reason they will be attacking the state’s ele...
“I got to warn you people that the community is just about bankrupt,” Auditor Orville Jordan warned the Homeland Security Committee as they jockeyed for the warmest metal chair in the house. For the daredevils, the ones with cracked seats were best. “We just got another check from the state for highways,” Holger Danske protested. “We got a real plague of potholes this year and that $39 went in a hurry,” responded Chairperson Ork Dorken. “And most of the potholes are still here,” Holger persiste...
For the newspapers in the larger cities, the Internet and all of its auxiliary activities have been hogging the advertising dollar. For the weekly papers, the revenue has been drying up with main street. And main street has been drying up because customers have been heading off to shop the stores with more choices and bread is three cents cheaper. For the past 50 years, North Dakota’s newspapers have been retrenching with the changing economy. They have consolidated into local chains so they can...
Dear U.S. Government: (Please pass this message to the person in charge today. If no one is in charge, send it to Mexico. They can deduct it from the cost of the wall.) The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) did more harm to cardiac patients than a personal letter from the IRS. The CBO has been doing some figuring and discovered that the government debt would increase for each person to $82,000 in the next decade. With Republicans running Washington, I assumed that they would be cutting the...
An initiated measure will be on the ballot this year proposing to move the state minimum hourly wage in three steps from $7.25 to $15 by 2021. Needless to say, the proposal will stir election politics. Controversial? Michael Saltsman of the Employment Policies Institute is already writing against the proposal with op-ed pieces for North Dakota newspapers. The Employment Policies Institute has spent its 25 years of existence fighting all and any wage increases across the country with the...
Looking at the significant shifts in Republican fortunes in Pennsylvania and Alabama, North Dakota Democrats feel that it could be downhill with the wind to their backs in 2018— something like the Lyndon Johnson landslide of 1964 when an impressive number of Democrats were swept into office. There were few public opinion polls in 1964, so partisans in both parties were caught by surprise when this phenomenal Democratic tsunami hit conservative North Dakota. In that election, the state not o...
Ole Barfson went to ask St. Peter about newspaper obituaries that claimed that the loved one is now in heaven rejoicing with family and friends. Ole wanted to know why these people were bypassing the great judgement. St. Peter didn’t give Ole much of an answer. But while Ole was there, he pilfered one of the tests we must take to claim a mansion in the great beyond. Here are some sample questions: 1. John the Baptist was a great dresser and gourmet cook. What was his favorite meal? (A) L...
The lack of a clear national policy has been leading to hardship, grief and turmoil for millions of immigrants who came to the United States with a dream of success in the land of opportunity. For the past months, the 700,000 undocumented immigrants brought here as children by their parents under the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) have become victims of a political war between the Republicans and the Democrats. The threat of deportation to “home” countries in which they have nev...
Being in the vanguard of the aged population, it is my duty to warn the younger folks along the way about their unrealistic expectations of the golden years. Cutting to the chase, there is no gold in the golden years. The term “golden years” was created by an advertising executive whose client was a manufacturer of wheelchairs. Common sense should forewarn us that “golden years” is a fiction. They say that everybody goes downhill after 26. That’s assuming that we were uphill when we started....
“No one can interfere in my God-given right to guns” is a refrain often heard in the heated rhetoric between weapon owners and regulation advocates. Being that God has been dragged into this cutting issue of American politics, this claim becomes both secular and theological. Every time it is made, Founding Father James Madison rolls over in his habitat. He thinks he created the Second Amendment while God just looked on. To tell the truth, Madison didn’t like the Amendments. Since the Const...
“Okay, Ole Barfson, you come out now,” St. Peter barked gruffly (lovingly, of course) to a cloud that was floating by his work station as he was adding and deleting names on his high speed computer. “How did you know I was in there?” Ole asked as he brushed off stars that had accumulated on his going-to-town blue suit. “You had lutefisk within the last three weeks,” St. Peter responded. “You are not scheduled for months so why are you here?” “Well, Pete, I just wanted….” Ole started only to b...
With 81 percent of Americans bemoaning the decline of moral values in America, the conservative right is encouraged by a national administration that has surrendered its religious policymaking to evangelical Christians. To Christian liberals, this constitutes political meddling in matters that should remain in the church or with individuals. Conservative Christians doubt the genuineness of liberal search for Christian values. While conservative Christians see personal morality, enforced by law...
With 81 percent of Americans rating moral values in the U. S. as only fair or poor, it would seem we have consensus that should foster some sort of response. The folks who have an abiding concern over the moral state of society now have a number of supporters in the national administration, giving them hope for breaking the endless spiral downward. They have endured criticism for supporting Donald Trump who, according to Pope Francis, is not a Christian but who has deferred to the wishes of...
Obesity has expanded in North Dakota as the battle of the bulges continues. According to unofficial estimates, residents gained 1,030,000 pounds and increased 279,000 inches of girth. Obesity advocates want to add girth to gender, age and race as protected persons and outlaw the Body Mass Index. Hospitals are adding big animal vets to surgery teams. The estimates will be sent to the White House for official release. By a vote of 19-1, the Alabama state senate passed a bill to eliminate marriage...
Now that the tax reform legislation has been passed, adding one trillion to the national debt, the dependent populations in society can expect that 2018 will bring an onslaught of cutbacks in programs created to help the helpless. Programs for dependents include, among others: Medicaid, Medicare, handicapped, food stamps, nursing homes, rural hospitals, addict support services, rehabilitation of all kinds and a wide range of helpful subsidies. Champions of the “have nots” will be told that cut...
“North Korea is bombing Hawaii,” a breathless Chief Alert Officer Garvey Erfald shouted as a he lunged into the community hall where the Homeland Security Committee was gathering for a crisis meeting. “How do we know they are North Korean?” asked Josh Dvorchak. “A spotter in Japan said they were short and fat,” Garvey responded. “And somebody on Wake Island said one had been labelled Little Rocket Man.” “What are people doing in Hawaii?” quizzed Dorsey Crank. “They’re running in circ...
After at least five years of asking for legislative action, drafting a complex law, collecting signatures, winning a state referendum, correcting statutory errors, and planning implementation, will the North Dakota medical marijuana initiative go up in smoke? As 29 other states with medical marijuana and eight more looking at recreational marijuana ponder the same question, the whole issue may becoming unraveled. According to federal law, marijuana has been an illegal drug from the outset. ...
By the time American voters start looking at their congressional options, Russian political strategists will be waiting to unload an electronic flood of “shock and awe” that will be incomprehensible for the gullible American electorate. Everyone involved in building a new voting system that will withstand everything the Russians can design has come with a different theory about the attack. Those dealing with the collection, tabulation and certification of ballots are bracing for widespread mani...
Many of the social issues made contentious by sincere Christians should be moved from the public square into churches. However, abortion is not one of them. One of the primary reasons for the creation of governments is the protection of life. This makes abortion both a sectarian and a secular issue. So conflict and compromise in the public square make up the fight for resolving this thorny issue. The pro-life advocates hope that a more conservative Supreme Court will tip the scale in their fav...
