To stop bullying we must first understand

How many of us grew up getting bullied? Or witnessed bullying? Perhaps some of us were even the bullies from time to time. Readers of all ages are likely nodding their heads right now. Bullying isn’t anything new. In fact, up until recently, the predominant culture seemed to suggest bullying was just a normal part of growing up that we all had to deal with. When victims of bullying did speak out, they were often told by adults to “toughen up,” or “stand your ground.” “Don’t let them know you’re afraid” they’d say or, “Oh, they’re just being kids, don’t let them bother you.”

Those were far from being “the good old days.” We have learned that bullying causes damage to both the bully and the bullied. The Hamilton-Fish Institute says that while “being a victim of bullying had been an unforgettable part of many of our childhoods, those who had bullied others had little or no memory or recognition of the pain they inflicted.”

In 2011, the North Dakota Legislature passed a statute that required all school districts to implement policy that clearly defined bullying and established procedures for reporting, documenting and investigating reports of bullying and retaliation. The policy for New Rockford-Sheyenne (NR-S) School District is available on their website, http://www.newrockford-sheyenne.k12.nd.us/. In addition, the student handbook outlines the investigation procedures as well as disciplinary and corrective measures that may be taken by the district to address bullying.

Within this policy, NR-S uses the definition of bullying as prescribed in North Dakota Century Code 15.1-19-17: “Conduct that occurs in a public school, on school district premises, in a district owned or leased school bus or school vehicle, or at any public school or school district sanctioned or sponsored activity or event and which: 1) Is so severe, pervasive, or objectively offensive that it substantially interferes with the student’s educational opportunities; 2) Places the student in actual and reasonable fear of harm; 3) Places the student in actual and reasonable fear of damage to property of the student; 4) Substantially disrupts the orderly operation of the public school.”

By implementing these policies, schools provided teachers and administrators with consistent tools and protocol for addressing bullying and aggressive behavior as it is reported. However, statistics from the 2017 Indicators of School Crime and Safety Report prepared by U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics and the National Center for Education Statistics show that only 36 percent of bullying incidents were reported to an adult.

According to StopBullying.gov, the official U.S. government website dedicated to providing quality information regarding how to present and respond to bullying, students choose not to tell adults about bullying for many reasons:

 • Feelings of helplessness

 • Fear of backlash from those who were bullying

 • Feeling humiliated

 • Fear of being rejected by their peers

 • Feelings of social isolation, causing them to feel like no one cares or could understand.

For more information about the signs of aggressive behaviors and bullying, visit https://www.stopbullying.gov.

As many of us know, hurtful actions are not always the result of bullying. Signe Whitson, a Licensed Social Worker, national educator and author wrote an article in Psychology Today that defines and discusses aggressive behaviors. The article is online at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201211/is-it-rude-is-it-mean-or-is-it-bullying.

Rude behavior, Whitson explains, occurs when a person is inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else. Common examples include failing to help with the door, walking past when someone is struggling, cutting in line or engaging in behaviors such as pushing, yelling, etc. This rude behavior happens when people aren’t taking the time to observe and respond to their environment.

Meanness, Whitson explains, is exhibited when people “purposefully say or do something to hurt someone once or maybe twice [or maybe more]. Kids are mean to each other when they criticize clothing, appearance, intelligence, coolness or just about anything else they can find to criticize.” Mean behaviors can be premeditated or be the results of impulsive cruelty. Regardless, meanness usually passes quickly, but can leave deep wounds.

 Bullying is different than rude or mean behavior. It is “intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time that involves an imbalance of power.” Whitson says that bullying includes an intent to harm, a power imbalance and repeated actions or threats of aggressive behavior.

Bullying has several forms, including physical aggression, verbal aggression, relational aggression and cyberbullying. Any of these can stand-alone or overlap. Often these actions become repetitive or even cyclical, despite multiple requests for the behavior to stop.

Physical aggression is what most of us think of when we hear about bullying, and it is what most often catches the attention of adults. It includes hitting, punching, spitting, tripping, hair pulling and many other physically aggressive behaviors. We all know these behaviors are unacceptable, and if we as adults were to engage in any of them, we’d likely find ourselves facing an assault charge.

Verbal aggression includes words and threats. The resulting name calling, jeering and humiliation were some of the things that we were told as children to simply ignore. Verbal aggression also includes ambiguous threats such as, “Well looky what we have here,” “You better watch your back,” or “I’m gonna get you someday, just when you least expect it.” This kind of bullying is harder to ignore and can increase anxiety and paranoia for the target.

Relational aggression is common among young teens. It occurs when peers use their friendship to hurt others. This includes social exclusion, shunning and spreading rumors. Relational aggression is particularly difficult, because in addition to causing emotional harm, the bully is also damaging the target’s support system, leaving them to feel isolated and vulnerable.

Cyberbullying is a term that is likely new to those of us who didn’t carry cell phones in high school. In short, cyberbullying involves technology. It is defined by the Cyberbullying Research Center as the “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones and other electronic devices.” Once an act of cyberbullying has taken place, the likelihood of repetitive harm is high. Whitson explains, “This is because electronic messages can be accessed by multiple parties, resulting in repeated exposure and repeated harm.”

In the 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Survey, approximately 118 NR-S junior high and high school students provided anonymous and honest answers in regard to the experiences with bullying and aggressive behavior that occured within the 12 months prior to the survey. Many of the results were startling and necessitate further discussion and action.

 Among junior high students,

 • 66.7 percent reported being bullied on school property.

 • 40.5 percent reported being electronically bullied or “cyberbullied.”

 Among high school students,

 • 30.3 percent reported someone hurt them (or threatened to hurt them) on purpose

 • 23.7 percent reported being electronically bullied or “cyberbullied.”

 • 21.1 percent reported being bullied on school property.

This data shows that bullying does indeed exist in our community. The New Rockford Transcript will continue this series to provide information on how to identify the signs that a child may be bullied or may be a bully, discuss how to handle a bullying situation effectively. In addition, we will outline area resources that offer classes and trainings and present reinforcement strategies that can be used as early as preschool.

We know as adults that bullying won’t end overnight, and that it takes a community working together to making lasting change. It is important that all community members be aware that bullying is a problem and take it seriously. Everyone plays a crucial role in its prevention.