Give me a break

Last week I had the great fortune to be able to take a proper vacation with my family for the first time in what seemed like forever. Now that I’m back to work, I’ve been trying to figure out just what it is that made this time off so magical. Was it the warmer weather we headed off to? I’m sure that helped, but we’ve had warm-weather vacations before that weren’t this restorative. A break from my usual onslaught of emails and work deadlines? Yes, but ditto. The easy availability of chicken nuggets and French fries for my kids? No doubt.

It took my wife, of course, to point it out to me: The reason my blood pressure was so calm this time around was because of one major change I made for this vacation: No Twitter, no political shows on TV, and generally no news at all.

It was glorious. The one exception: At the hotel pool one day I was chatting with another dad; we’d been seeing each other in the pool every day along with our kids, and had become friendly, when suddenly he brought up the T-word. Since he was raised in France but had been living in England for a number of years (he did business around the world, from Asia to the Americas to Europe), he wanted to know what Americans really thought of Donald Trump. I did my best to stay calm and told him that while record numbers of Americans find Trump to be a compulsive liar, untrustworthy, bad at his job, and dangerous for America, he still, at the most recent poll, had the support of four out of ten of our citizens. The Frenchman was flabbergasted at this last figure. “Well, we love him,” he said, erupting in laughter. “Both in France and in England. He may be running your country into the ground, but our markets are doing great. Think of it like this: Every international treaty he removes you from benefits us. Whatever part of that trade agreement money that used to go to the United States? Yeah—that money is now ours. We’re hoping he gets a second term!”

Of course, all vacations have to end at some point. And what did I return to—the steady and wise leadership of our country’s chief executive, calmly and decisively making wise decisions to benefit our country and our collective future? Ha! Don’t be silly—I returned to the same collection of political dumpster fires I escaped from a week earlier.

My brief catch-up: The man Trump had nominated to oversee the vast bureaucracy of the VA—Trump’s own doctor, a man with no experience in management or bureaucracy whatsoever—had to resign his appointment when reports alleged that he was abusive to colleagues, was fast and loose with prescribing painkillers, and was sometimes drunk on the job.

Next, someone leaked to the press the questions that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has been trying to get Trump to answer for months now. (It does beg the question: If he’s done nothing wrong, what’s Trump afraid of?) Then Trump, of course, tweets about how it’s “disgraceful” that these questions were leaked—and that there were “no questions about collusion.” (At least 13 of the 49 questions were directly related to whether or not Trump and his campaign colluded with Russia.) Two days later, we learn that the questions were leaked to the media by John Dowd—Trump’s lawyer.

Just before I left for vacation, the FBI, with subpoenas granted by a judge in hand, raided the home and office of Trump’s longtime attorney, fixer, bagman, and payer-offer, Michael Cohen, seizing hordes of files, electronic and otherwise, along with 16 of Cohen’s cellphones. (I mean, don’t all innocent people have at least 16 cellphones?)

Finally, remember during the campaign, when—under extreme public pressure after having stonewalled everybody by providing zero information about Trump’s health status—Trump’s personal doctor released a vague, oddly worded one-page statement which stated that Trump’s “physical strength and stamina are extraordinary” and that “Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency”? Remember that? Well, news emerged that Trump’s longtime bodyguard, along with an unidentified man, “raided” this personal doctor’s office to seize all of Trump’s medical records and a number of photos.

Something else the doctor said: That Trump himself dictated the entire letter about his health over the phone to the doctor.

Think that’s funny? Get this: In a White House appearance with Nigerian president Muhammadu Buhari on April 30, Trump bragged about a big American helicopter sale to Nigeria. One problem: We didn’t sell Nigeria any helicopters. Russia did.

Good news for Trump and his fans, though: Kanye West—apparently back from his mental health break of a few months—is on board Team Trump!

Had enough yet?