Eyes that see the good in things

I remember hearing a speech a while ago that made me think. The speaker asked if people view you as a safe person to talk to. Then, she said that with the number of people who are affected by this current opioid crisis, if you don’t know someone affected by it personally, you may want to look within yourself to see if you are someone that your friends and family feel safe sharing their struggles with. Because we all probably do.

Then a book I recently underscores that message. In her book, S.O.B.E.R: A Story of Addiction Told by a Mother and Her Son, Anita Devlin shares about their family experiences. Her raw honesty is heart-breaking and is something that is so worthy of deep respect. Devlin is willing to make public a pain that so many families suffer in private. It is her hope to help others who are struggling with opioid addiction.

Devlin remembers when she sat in her home, her hands shaking as she typed a text into her phone. “Son, please let me know you are OK. I love you.” Then, as she felt panic creep through her body, she started to pray that her son was still alive.

At that very moment, her son was lying in a motel room bathtub, hoping that the handful of pills he’d taken would kill him. However, when his mom’s text came through, he called her and told her in a weak and shaking voice that he was scared, and he needed help.

Her son is one of the many people in our society who struggle with an addiction to opioids. He started using in high school after doctors prescribed them for sports injuries. During his sophomore year of college, he confessed to his parents that he was addicted. His parents immediately sent him to an outpatient rehabilitation center.

They thought he was back on track, but he relapsed after returning to school the next year and then dropped out of college. He started stealing money from his roommates to pay for his drugs. It was a phone call from his roommates, who hadn’t seen him in several days that had generated the panic Devlin felt that afternoon.

However, that day was also the start down their pathway to hope. Her son’s friend went to stay with him until Devlin could get to him. They arranged for him to be admitted to a residential treatment center. While he was there, he committed to staying healthy and then transitioned to a sober living house where he continued his recovery.

His treatment (and the years following his treatment) also changed his mother. Their entire family participated in the family program and she came to view her son’s addiction as an illness, rather than a weakness. She started to deal with the shame and anger that she felt about her son and started to focus on what role she could play in helping him to heal.

Her own long-held beliefs had kept her from accepting his drug problem early on. She also learned to deal with the guilt that she felt for missing the signs of his addiction. While he was in treatment, his mother met with counselors and started to accept the fact that she couldn’t take away his addiction, she had to stop treating him like a little boy and let him own, and deal, with his own addiction as he entered a new life of sobriety.

Devlin started to share her story with other mothers of addicts for the sole purpose of helping other people to not feel as alone as she did. Devlin started out spending hours each day speaking with people who were dealing with their child’s addiction and she soon asked them if they would like to start meeting as a group. They started meeting in small groups in church basements and coffee shops because she said it was important to be able to talk with other people who “get” what you’re going through and aren’t judging you.

One of the women in the group called Devlin her angel, saying that this woman she didn’t even know, got her through the darkest days of her life. There aren’t a lot of people you feel like you can talk to when your child has drug issues and Devlin made her feel less alone. She also developed a sisterhood with the other mothers that she met through Devlin’s Facebook page.

Devlin continues to work with other families as the country continues to wrestle with an opioid epidemic. She has now started to take her message to a new audience by speaking at women’s organizations. Initially, she said she was petrified to tell her family’s story, but she knew she had to speak out about addiction in order to give others the encouragement needed to talk about it. As people thanked her and started sharing their own stories with her, she knew she needed to continue to speak out.

Her story is honest and personal. She admits there were times when she hated her son. There were times that she went into a deep depression of her own, but the more she shared, the more other moms shared. Now when Devlin speaks to women’s groups, she speaks less of her son’s addiction and more about her own journey through it.

Vulnerability is a trait that she embraces, saying that she has been shaped by the fear and pain, but she also says her fear and pain has never completely gone away. Speaking publicly, in the hopes of helping someone else, is a powerful way for her to channel those emotions.

Although she speaks mostly to women’s groups and with other mothers, she also spoke to an all-male group of 150 Greek Orthodox priests and bishops. The speech she gave helped to spark a movement to make the church more welcoming to families affected by addiction. She told the priests and bishops that she would like the church to be the first place where people could go, not the last. She also suggests they teach their parishioners that there is no room for judgement within the church. She said that if we want people to heal, we need to make a place where families don’t feel as alone as she did.

Through the work she has done with her book, the conversations she has had with other women and her speaking schedule, Devlin is healing herself as well as the people she speaks with. She says she will probably always be “in recovery” from her son’s addiction. Her son is doing well. He was married last year and he recently celebrated seven years of sobriety. He works with former addicts and fully supports his mother’s recovery efforts.

We would love to share local stories about the good things your eyes are seeing.

Stop in to share your stories with us, give us a call at 947-2417 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Or send a letter to Eyes That See the Good in Things, c/o Allison Lindgren, The Transcript, 6 8th St N., New Rockford, ND 58356.