The challenge to keep families together

I am sure that many of you can remember when life was not so demanding and filled with anxiety or at least it seemed that way. I was raised in the city so when I had a chance to go to my grandparent’s house out in the country it was like going on vacation. They lived on a quiet overgrown road that came to a dead-end at the Kentucky River and their farm was so remote that when an occasional car would pass by we would stop and stare at it like it was entertainment. I will never forget helping in the garden, feeding the animals, playing in the fireplace, and the sights and smells of country living that gave me a sense of love and security.

I have such fond memories of my grandmother serving huge delicious meals, eating homemade ice-cream, the joy, and freedom of running through fields and forest and then catching lightning bugs in the evenings. When I was young, I thought that going fishing on my grandfather’s boat was the ultimate adventure and going to the creek to help them wash their old car was such innocent fun. Looking for crawdads, throwing rocks, watching out for snakes and getting soaking wet on a hot sunny day was the perfect combination of thrills and excitement. And in the winter when the snow was deep we would go out and play then come in and hold our hands over the potbelly stove and listen to the coal crackle and pop. Spending the night was filled with such anticipation as we slept in huge feather beds with piles of blankets and I still recall the moonlight shining through the windows that made everything seem magical to a boy who dreamed this would last forever.

My wife Cheryl has also told me of the special occasions her family shared together with cookouts and all the kids running and playing. I remember her grandmother that lived in an old farmhouse off the highway where so many dinners and celebrations happened there over the years. Her husband had passed away a long time ago, but they had seven children and this is where everyone would meet on the weekends. My wife recalls how the men would gather under the shade trees and talk about cars, sports, and fishing while the women would be in the house laughing and preparing the meals. Unfortunately, when her grandmother passed away, it was the end of an era. Many times, families break apart and become distant as the absence of these central figures revealed just how much their love and generosity was the “glue” that held everyone together. We also hear people blame the world for changing and how weird everything has become, but maybe we are the ones that became so busy that we neglected the importance of spending time with family. Actually, the world becoming darker should motivate us to protect and keep our families closer than ever. Whatever the case, through the years we’ve slowly been drawn into the worries and anxieties of life and as we became burdened with more responsibilities we gradually drifted away from each other.

I wrote a song years ago about how sad it is when families drift apart. There’s a line that says, “Just because life is not the way it used to be – doesn’t mean we can’t do the things we used to do.” When certain individuals pass away and the locations are not the same, it’s important to adjust and adapt for the sake of those who are left. The past may be gone but may we not allow this to prevent us from actively carrying on the legacy and traditions within our family. It’s sad when children and grandchildren do not even know their own aunts, uncles or cousins and the only time they come together is at a funeral where the atmosphere is awkward and everyone seems like strangers. Children form their own opinions and attitudes from the bonds of family and it seems selfish for us to have our wonderful experiences and memories and then pull away from this important foundation just because the situation has changed. Our parents and grandparents were hoping and praying that someone (like us) would keep the family together because they understood that close families provide the encouragement, stability, nurturing and love that we all need and long for.

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