Eyes that see the good in things

Almost two years ago, we ran a story where we talked with Joleen Thomas about her daughter Jocelyn’s death by suicide. She and her family had recently started speaking out about the mental illness issues they lived with prior to her daughter’s death.

 That article concluded with this quote from Joleen, “I don’t know how far we’ll go with this or what we’ll do after this, but I do know that we are committed to keep going and keep trying to do something positive to make something good come from this awful hole in our family. It’s too late for us, but it’s not too late for somebody else.”

Since that time, I have followed her on Facebook and watched as Thomas has continued to tirelessly honor her daughter’s life and memory. During that time, I have gained a deep sense of respect and admiration for her. This loving mama has been sharing their family story to help prevent other people from having to go through the same pain that their family has endured and the pain they continue to live with every day of their lives. She has become a voice for people with mental illness, suicide prevention, and supporting others who have lost someone they love by suicide. Her Facebook profile picture is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline phone number, which is 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Some of the suicide facts and figures for North Dakota that she recently shared were startling to me. According to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, one person dies by suicide every 63 hours in North Dakota and suicide is credited for being the eighth leading cause of death in North Dakota. We also rank 12th in the nation for suicide death rates.

Yet, even as she shares these shocking statistics and figures about suicide, it’s the personal comments that touch me the most. Like this one that she posted on the third anniversary of her daughter’s death. “3 Years – 36 Months – 1,095 Days- 26,280 Hours – 1,576,800 Minutes – 94,608,000 Seconds…and the rest of our lives to go.”

It’s comments like these that remind me that grief is something that we never really do get over, it’s something we learn to live with. It gets easier at times. Yet, at other times, it comes back and surprises us with a hard hit, as we remember and miss that person so deeply. Then, shortly after the anniversary of Jocelyn’s death, came this Facebook post.

“We spent our day doing random acts of kindness in honor of Jocelyn’s 22nd Birthday~ randomly placed 22 $1 bills for people to find in places that were meaningful to or reminded us of Joc, donated a case of cat food to the animal shelter, spent some time with the cats in Kitty City, bought her cat Mia Sophia a gift (she was thrilled), added a new Halloween book to her Little Free Library (Jocelyn loved Halloween) and then filled it with some more Halloween themed books. Happy Heavenly Birthday, darling girl. We love you forever and always.”

The photo story that went along with that update showed smiling faces playing with kitties and dropping off cat food at the animal shelter. They showed dollar bills with encouraging and uplifting notes taped to them and several shiny, new children’s books for the free library.

My first thought when I read this was, “I am SO stealing this idea!” And I am, so I hope imitation really is the highest form of flattery and I’m grateful that she allowed me to share it with you here.

My sister would have had a pretty big birthday coming up this year and I had been trying to think of some way to commemorate it. Her birthday this year will find me traveling around Fargo-Moorhead and sharing that joy in some of the places that she loved.

This story also reminded me of a quote that my brother shared a while after my sister died. As most of us know former Vice President Joseph Biden is no stranger to grief. If you remember, he lost his first wife and one-year-old daughter in a car accident. He was told at the time that they didn’t know if his sons would survive the accident either. He also lost his adult son to cancer.

Biden described how he dealt with grief in an emotional speech at the 18th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar. He spoke about how there is a gigantic part of your life missing, and that anything can trigger the horrible memories and make you think that you won’t be able to make it through. Because those triggers bring you right back to the way that you felt the day that you got the news. He told the survivors that it was the first time in his life that he understood suicide.

Biden ended his speech that day by telling the survivors that “it can and it will get better. There will come a day — I promise you— when the thought of your son or daughter, or your husband or wife, brings a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye,” he said. “It will happen.”

And it does happen.

We would love to share local stories about the good things your eyes are seeing.

Stop in to share your stories with us, give us a call at 947-2417 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Or send a letter to Eyes That See the Good in Things, c/o Allison Lindgren, The Transcript, 6 8th St N., New Rockford, ND 58356.