Eyes that see the good in things - Jan. 7, 2019

Something that touched a chord with me this weekend while I was with family was noticing how quickly children change. We can look in those little faces and see so much of our family written in them. Yes, there is the occasional child that looks like the OTHER side of the family, but usually we can pick out many of our features.

As I talked to those nieces and nephews of ours, they all talked about how fast time was going and how those little ones grow faster than you can ever dream. Anyone who is a parent knows how true that is. But it also seems to be universal to talk about mom-fails too. I’d only seen that phrase on Pinterest, but it’s apparently a term that’s used quite frequently.

I heard it from the adoptive mom who has made her child’s open adoption a priority, so her child can know she is loved by both her birth family and her adoptive family. I heard it from the mom who is trying to make her blended family work. I heard it from the grandma who is raising her son’s child, after he died from cancer. I heard it from the mom who drops her child off at daycare. And I heard it from the new mom who has a new baby while her other one is still in diapers.

When my brother’s wife shared a story on Facebook, I knew it was something that I wanted to share with all of those nieces and nephews still raising kids. Because its’ not always easy and things don’t always go right.

The post started with the author saying that sometimes when she wakes up in the morning, it seems like her child has grown overnight and a part of her is in awe. And part of her is excited, thinking about all of life that is still ahead of that child. She, too, shares how time is flying by and she can’t slow it down. She wonders if she has missed part of the magic of her child growing and if she’s enjoyed their childhood enough. And she wonders if she’s been able to give her child what the child needed; leaving their heart whole and spirit unbroken.

She confesses that she’s not always good at this parenting thing. She’s not as good at being a mom as she wants to be. She says she wants to be great and that sometimes she is but sometimes she’s not. Sometimes she gets it right, sometimes she completely misses the mark and EVERYDAY she makes mistakes.

She wishes that she hadn’t snapped when she should have been sensitive, or lectured and given time-outs, when what was needed was a hug. She said she knows that sometimes she just plain and simple misses it when she mistakes pain for complaining or a sad heart for a bad attitude. She says that she watches herself miss the mark, and later she grieves because she didn’t respond better.

She wishes that she didn’t miss it when she’s tired and she wishes that her child didn’t get only the energy that’s leftover at the end of a long day. She misses is when she’s scared. And she admits that she’s scared of things that are both big and little things. She misses it when she forgets to relax and enjoy that wonderful, little one. She said she misses it when she forgets to smile and laugh and she’s working on that.

Sometimes she misses it when she’s struggling with her own issues that have nothing to do with her child. She says that when that happens, it may be fatigue or anxiety or depression, but it has nothing to do with her child and is never their fault. She promises to keep reaching for wellness so that she can help her child to do that very same thing.

This mom tells her child that it’s easy to forget the positive things while focusing on the negative and she wants to set the record straight. She wants her child to know that when she looks at her child, she is SO PROUD. When she sees her child, she sees someone who is good, and she wonders how she has been trusted with a beautiful treasure. She sees a pure heart, someone who is gentle and kind, yet vivacious and fierce.

She tells her children that she is their greatest fan and biggest cheerleader. Her desire is to see and know her child, so she asks that they keep telling her when she hurts their feelings. She tells them that she’s okay with making mistakes but she’s never okay with losing their heart. Because it’s the heart that matters.

It’s her hope that her child is able to learn something from her own weakness, hoping that when her child comes across their own brokenness, tiredness, fear and confusion, that they will be okay with it. That they won’t let their imperfections scare them as they’ve scared her. She hopes that they won’t run away from their imperfections but that they will wrestle with them, keep showing up, keep apologizing and trying again. Because it’s okay to make mistakes and to not always get it right.

Everyone who is doing anything in this life makes mistakes and she tell her children that they will make lots and lots of mistakes, just like she has. And she wants them to know that not one of their mistakes could darken the light she sees when she looks at them. When she looks at her child, she sees a treasure.

And she tells her child that even when life is racing by us, we have a moment when we can reach out, really see each other and glimpse the person her child is becoming.

So, she tells her children that she wants them to know that they are wonderful. That they amaze her everyday. That as she watches them, they inspire her to pull out the greatness inside her. She tells them that, as a family, they will keep making mistakes, but their family will keep on holding each other tight.

And then she tells them that she is never going to be perfect, but she promises them that she is “always and forever yours, and I’m always and forever on your team.”

That’s the kind of promise that I’d like to wish for those little ones that I love so much.

Stop in to share your stories with us, give us a call at (701) 947-2417 or email us at [email protected]. Or send a letter to Eyes that See the Good in Things c/o Allison Lindgren, The Transcript, 6 8th St N., New Rockford, ND 58356.