Pounding the Table

That’s the current state of Republican explanations and justifications and bend-over-backwardifications about the explicitly criminal behavior of the President of the United State. If you’re a Fox News viewer, you might know this funny business by a different name, though that name keeps changing: One day it’s a “deep state conspiracy!”, the next day it’s a “Democrat witch hunt!” The latest word-salad—after Trump admitted, in public, yet again, that he in fact did exactly what he’s accused of—is that this whole thing is “triple hearsay” from “radical unelected bureaucrats”!!!

Just what are we talking about, though? Exactly this: The President of the United States used his power—including the full force and majesty of the United States government, its appointees and some of its cabinet officers, and its taxpayer-funded dollars—to essentially extort another country (Ukraine) to manufacture dirt on the President’s political opponent. As was made clear by Ukraine ambassador Bill Taylor’s testimony, Trump could not have been more clear: If high-ranking Ukrainian officials—including the country’s president—didn’t announce, in public and in front of the media, that they were opening an investigation that would damage Trump’s political rival, Joe Biden, they wouldn’t get the $400 million they had already been promised (money which had already been approved by the U.S. Congress and signed into law—money which Trump had no legal right to deny Ukraine, for any reason).

So he did it. But that’s merely the beginning of the entire Cycle of Stupidity we’ve become accustomed to by this administration and its pathetic cheerleading squad of submissive, cowardly Republicans. (Shoutout to Kevin Cramer and Kelly Armstrong—keep digging a bigger whole, guys!)

Here’s how it goes—with Ukrainegate, Putting-Children-In-Cages-gate, Paying-Off-A-Pornstar-gate, Putting-ISIS-Back-In-Business-gate, Friends-With-A-Convicted-Pedophile-gate (sorry; I could go on, but there’s limited space in this column). But the routine goes like this (Fox News viewers: You’ve got a leg up on everybody else on this one, because the following sequence of events is pretty much the blueprint of what you’ve been watching again and again and again):

First, you do it.

Then you say it didn’t happen—also known as the “Who, me?” stage. Get Kevin Cramer and all your Republican friends to start chanting, on Twitter and Facebook, about how the whole thing is just a partisan witch hunt from the do-nothing Dems who still can’t get over the 2016 election. (Conveniently forget about the 2018 election, in which the country overwhelmingly voted to put the Democrats in charge of the House, specifically for oversight of Trump and his administration.)

Then you say, OK, it happened—but I didn’t do it. No, somebody else did it—Obama did it! He did the same thing! It’s his fault!

OK, so Obama didn’t do it. Fine, fine: I did it! How do we know? Well, in the case of Ukraine-Extortion-gate, I said I did it. Twice. A whistleblower said I did it. My chief of staff said I did it. My personal lawyer, who helped me do it, said I did it. A few other people with direct knowledge of what I did said I did it. But guess what? It doesn’t matter. Nah, it’s no big deal. If fact, if I had to do it all over again—I wouldn’t change a thing! No—I’d do it again! It’s the best thing, really. It’s the perfect solution. Nobody else had the guts to do what I did.

Finally, when you’ve run through this entire cycle too many times for anybody to believe any part of it any more, you just pout—you rant, scream, pout, froth and, if you’re Trump, you spend seemingly every waking moment raging on Twitter. There’s a wise old saying that lawyers are fond of: “If the facts are on your side, pound the facts into the table. If the law is on your side, pound the law into the table. If neither the facts nor the law are on your side, pound the table.”

That’s where we’re at now: Trump, and more or less the entire Republican party, are pounding the table. A day after the testimony that convincingly established the quid pro quo with Ukraine, Kelly Armstrong jumped on Twitter to attack.. the entire process and procedure of impeachment! Never mind that the House is following the Constitution to the letter—no, Armstrong’s upset that, when it comes to depositions in the impeachment hearings, “you, the American people, are shut out—along with most of Congress and all of the media. That’s an outrage.” An outrage! Never mind that the committees conducting the depositions are comprised equally of Republicans and Democrats; never mind that the Republicans get to ask just as many questions as Democrats; never mind that “the media”—is never allowed into closed depositions. Never mind that the entire process is being conducted just as it should be. (With some exceptions: The minority party—Republicans, currently—used to have more power to subpoena people and documents, along with a few other procedural advantages. Who took this power away? Republicans—when they were in control of the House—in order to ram through witnesses in the failed Benghazi hearings. Worked well for them then—now, though, they’re pouting that the rules should be changed back in their favor.)

One more thing: After our Ukraine ambassador, Bill Taylor, told Congress in no uncertain terms that Trump did it, that it was alarming, that it was a quid pro quo, and that a host of other administration people were involved, the White House press secretary issued yet another pound-the-table statement calling Taylor’s testimony (which was supported by documents, notes, and text messages) “a coordinated smear campaign from… radical unelected bureaucrats waging war on the Constitution” with “triple hearsay” in “secretive hearings.”

A brief note on that “radical unelected bureaucrats” thing. She’s trying to smear Taylor, of course. Here’s the thing about Bill Taylor: He’s served the United States for more than 50 years—in the 82nd and 101st Airborne in Vietnam, in the 2nd Cavalry in Germany, and as a career diplomat in Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, NATO, and elsewhere. Maybe she should have talked to our Secretary of State and current Trump-favorite Mike Pompeo before scrawling out this kind of a rant? After all, it was Pompeo who hand-picked Taylor for his job—just five months ago. The two men are both West Point grads.

West Point, of course, has a famous Honor Code. It states: “A Cadet will not lie, cheat, steal or tolerate those who do.”

It’s pretty clear that one of its alumni is holding up his end of the deal.