In grief, there's new HOPE

Pregnancy loss remains one of the most avoided topics in our daily conversations, even though national estimates suggest that one in four pregnancies end in loss. Lily’s Hope Ministry is a new organization started locally to help families during this difficult time.

On Wednesday, Jan. 21, the Eagles Club presented a check to Lily’s Hope Ministry in the amount of $10,000. The funds will be used for a 3-by-5 foot monument and seating bench.

On one side, the monument will read, “Lovingly dedicated to our miscarried and stillborn children.” The other side will offer the scripture of Matthew 5:8, “Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God.” Four words will also adorn the memorial: peace, hope, innocence, and purity— each of which is an attribute of the lily flower.

Members of the New Rockford-area community are invited to remember their miscarried or stillborn children on this monument. There are 160 spaces available, and families of all faiths and backgrounds are welcome to request a memorial or to seek out additional assistance.

Families requesting assistance from Lily’s Hope will receive a burial plot and a casket (courtesy of the time and skills of the New Rockford Knights of Columbus), stone marker and professional services by Evans Funeral Home.

Evan’s Funeral Home will prepare the burial area, and will be present at the time of burial if requested. Parents who would like to have a memorial service, funeral or burial service may contact a clergy member of liking.

Lily’s Hope co-founder Amy Steele summarizes just how deep the grief can run. “A part of the future is forever lost,” she says.

It’s easy to see how the loss affects partners and other family members in unspoken ways.

“Many people don’t know it is their right to ask for their baby’s remains,” says Amy, who struggled to navigate the remembrance process for her baby, Lily. “We want to make it easy for parents during such a difficult time.”

Amy carried her fifth child for 11 weeks. When she miscarried in June 2019, she and her husband Travis were beyond devastated. Amy says, “I didn’t know how I was going to get through it. I felt like I had to connect in order to survive.”

She took a step in faith and reached out to two local women who she thought might understand her situation: Jodi Guler and Sarah Smith Warren. She reflects, “If it wasn’t for their willingness, I’d be experiencing a very different grieving process.”

For many mothers, isolation is only one facet of grief. Pregnancy loss is a traumatic physical experience, making for a challenging recovery, to say the least. In the words of Lily’s Hope co-founder Sarah Smith Warren, “You can’t cancel grief, you can only postpone it. It will find you.”

These are words of experience. Sarah and her husband Jake have gone through two miscarriages as well as the loss of a newborn son, Boyd. Over the years, many families have reached out. “Sometimes it is just a hug. Sometimes they share their story. Sometimes from an experience that was decades ago. There is such power in acknowledging the life and the loss,” Sarah says.

It is this notion of acknowledgment that inspired the vision for Lily’s Hope as well as the monument. Co-founder Jodi Guler says she is in awe of how the idea of Lily’s Hope came together. “Amy called me with this idea for the monument and said, ‘do you think this is something that the community needs?’ I said absolutely. This kind of loss is so much more common than we think we know. So many more families have lost babies than we can imagine.”

Jodi’s husband Josh was the brave soul who stood in front of the Eagles Club board and made the request for funds. As he prepared his presentation, he sent a message to his fellow co-founders cautioning that perhaps they should ‘temper their expectations.’

No one knew how a group of mostly gentlemen might respond to such a sensitive topic. Josh told the story and vision of Lily’s Hope, and everyone in the room was rapt with attentive compassion. The donation that ensued not only surpassed everyone’s expectations but also covered the entire cost of the monument and bench.

This donation now makes it possible to put the monument in place this summer. Soon families will have a place of remembrance and acknowledgment of these precious lives.

For more information on reserving a name etched on the monument or about a burial stone, please visit the website at lilyshopeministry.com or email [email protected]

If you would like to help relieve the financial burden for grieving families to remember their child, donations can be made to Lily’s Hope Ministry, PO Box 423, New Rockford, ND 58356.

Donations are also accepted at Bank Forward, 6 8th St. S., New Rockford, N.D.

Lily’s Hope Ministry wants to help grieving families know that true joy does still exist, even with heartache. Perhaps the words of pioneering psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler Ross said it best, “You will be whole again but you will never be the same. nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”