Letting go of expectations makes for a happier holiday

I am a firm believer that there is no right way to celebrate Christmas. I’ve celebrated the season via candle-light hymnal, midnight sledding, last-minute shopping, unannounced guests and spur-of-the-moment road trips. As great as those experiences have been, not a single one is representative of the perfect Christmas. That remains true in all my years of celebrating Christmas. Never have I experienced a perfect holiday.

I’m not trying to be a Scrooge. There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas! It’s true! And all the experts agree— at least as far as I could tell from the plethora of psychology websites I visited in preparing this column. Over and over again, whether experts were giving advice on spending the holiday alone or with the whole extended family, the message was the same. Forget what you think you know and re-frame your expectations.

The holidays are full of expectations, it’s part of the territory that comes with anticipation and excitement. Whether we are looking forward to eating cookies, mingling among family members or re-watching “Merry Christmas Charlie Brown,” we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Hasn’t 2020 taught us anything? Expectations can backfire, leaving us disappointed and unable to appreciate the joy that is unfolding all around.

Below are some suggestions for getting through this unprecedented holiday season, without setting yourself up for disappointment. These suggestions work for any winter holiday schedule and can help you feel more connected and less overwhelmed.

Prioritize what is important to you. One really great way to do this is write a list about what the holidays mean to you. If it’s important to you that your loved ones who have since passed still have a place in the holiday tradition, then consider making a special dish in memory. It’s a tradition my extended family would appreciate by preparing the oyster dressing that Gramma always used to make.

Don’t discredit anything. If a little voice seems to be begging for iced sugar cookies or the opportunity to make a snow angel, listen. It just might be your inner child. And who better to help guide us to happy holiday happening than the child who once found awe in it all.

Appreciate the decorations inside and out. Putting up the tree or lighting candles are two great ways to feel cozy inside. You can also appreciate the decorations throughout the town. Even better, go for a drive and appreciate the way the lights dazzle in the night.

Greet everyone you see. You don’t have to say anything more than “hello” to spread a little cheer.

Every invitation is without pressure this year. Whether you are hosting a small gathering or are invited to visit close friends, keep in mind that it’s okay not to partake if you choose not to.

Find opportunities to take it outside. Hot cocoa under the moonlight? Brilliant. Enjoying food outside always feels special, so why not grant ourselves that treat any chance we can? As long as it’s not too far below zero and the wind isn’t howling, it might be nice enough to enjoy a little picnic outside. Bonus points if the snow is falling!

Know your limits and tipping points. I can only handle so much reality television and french onion dip. I know this. There’s always a tipping point, no matter how enjoyable the activities. Think of the two-year-old who has a meltdown right in the middle of a birthday party. Enough is enough. The more you know about your tipping point, the better you’ll be able to manage your moods, which makes for much better holidays for everyone. When in doubt, take a break.

Finally, accept the fact that you don’t have the power to change any of this. The holidays of 2020 will be what they will be. There’s no need to worry about it. There’s no way to change it. Instead, we can focus on what we enjoy and still have room for small celebrations. Maybe in doing so, we can make room for some really perfect holiday moments.