Sermonette: An Honest Chat

The spiritual difficulties I’ve gone through have usually come in waves of struggle. Something like this: getting better—same struggle—getting better, etc. I usually don’t talk about it until I have it all sorted out, and feel like I understand exactly what is happening. I’m still learning my walk with God doesn’t have to look perfect. So today, I wanted to chat a little about struggle, failure, and accepting God’s grace.

First, I think it’s important to note that no matter who you are, following Jesus comes with hardships. Yes, you have a different perspective on life – the contentment and hope that comes from eternity with Christ (like Paul in Philippians 4:11-13) – but that doesn’t mean you won’t face trials and challenges.

The Bible actually says we should rejoice in hardship. James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, and not lack anything.”

Sometimes, I find myself thinking something like, “Ugh, Alicia. Why are you struggling with understanding such simple things like forgiveness?” James 1 serves as a good reminder for me. It also helps to be reminded that other people face doubt and trials too.

All this to say, I hope my vulnerability about my recent doubts and lack of understanding might help some of my brothers and sisters work through theirs.

One night, a few weeks ago, I was sitting on my couch reading. I’m not really sure what caused this, but I was hit with an overwhelming wave of guilt. I was hit with the guilt and disappointment that I can never do enough for God.

Trying to have the right intentions for studying the Word, trying to pray about the right things, trying to pour into other people, etc., has been leaving me overwhelmed. Times of trouble are an opportunity to turn to the Lord or become more unfaithful. Too often, for me, the shame of feeling like I’m not doing enough leaves me indifferent toward God.

With what He’s done for me, and even simply who He is, God deserves every ounce of my time. Yet so often I have been spending time in His Word as if it’s just another item on the to do list.

I think about all the times I have intended to spend time with God, but haven’t or have pushed it back. If someone had stood me up that many times, I would have a much different reaction than God. I would have said, “see y’a later.” He doesn’t.

Ephesians 1:7-10 says this: “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.”

His grace is lavished upon us.

Instead of holding my indifference against me, He welcomes me back to spending time with Him. I will never fully understand God’s patience and grace.

As Christians, we are called to live a life pleasing to the Lord. This is difficult, and I’ve felt guilt over it. We have the tendency to swerve to the right and left. In my example, trying to do everything with the right intention isn’t a bad thing. What God has been teaching me is that walking faithfully with Him stems naturally from learning to love Him – learning who He is.

Jesus sums it up well in John 14:23 – “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

In my struggle of feeling like I’m failing God, I need to accept His grace instead of letting it drive me further from Him. I need to focus on truly loving the Lord and trust that from this comes a life pleasing to Him.